We won't sleep together?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
