i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Still dying that you shit outside
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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