I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
