i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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