ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
