I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
