hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
