she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
