is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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