Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is Oprah even human
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
