We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
