did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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