i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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