you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
