He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
