He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize