my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize