you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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