so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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