She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
