you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
