Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
