you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
