dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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