conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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