the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
