Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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