Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize