I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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