did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
