I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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