just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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