4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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