apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
