Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
