i was born a porn star she said
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
