I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
