you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
