I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
