I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
