I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
