My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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