i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
