Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
