Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
