it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
