whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
As shirtless as possible
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Couch. On fire.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
