dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
