i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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