it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
