bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I love having hate sex.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
