Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize