I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
