look no pants
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
