Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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