mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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