I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
