hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
