I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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