We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
