Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
