he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
