It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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