An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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