I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
