No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
