Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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