Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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