you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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