I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
