Where did you get a picture of my penis
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
