We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
