It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
