Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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