shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
