it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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