I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
