Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
