he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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