i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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