i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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