her vagine was all disorganized.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
