I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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