What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize