I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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