Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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