I wannas sexs uuuuu
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
