I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
