Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
