I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
