Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
