batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
