That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I have post one night stand depression
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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