grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
