It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
